The following is a letter written to the Human Resources department of the Papa Gino's restaurant corporation.

"Good evening,

  I am writing you this letter because today (Friday) marks the one week anniversary of one of the most traumatizing dining experiences of my life. Although I get the impression from your website that, since the Papa Gino's restaurants are a franchise, you have minimal control over the individual restaurants, I still hope that the following story and advice will prove useful to the entrepreneurial spirit that no doubt lurks somewhere in the upper echelons of your corporation.

          While going out to dinner at the Papa Gino's in North Adams, MA, we encountered an almost-empty restaurant. However, despite the apparent shortage of customers, it took between 40 and 45 minutes to receive food that could easily have been cooked three times over in that period of time. In fairness to the workers, I must admit that there were a respectable amount of delivery orders being dealt with, but I was still rather horrified that such a large number of employees could neither find the time to prepare a meal of pasta and meatballs, nor find the courtesy to behave in anything but the surliest of manners. After about 35 minutes of waiting, I asked to speak to the manager, he was summoned, but...never appeared. Although his head was visible from behind a mysterious piece of cooking machinery at all times, his customer services instincts were obviously not well-developed enough for him to give a damn about the issues facing one of approximately 5 customers in the restaurant. The meal, when finally prepared, was incomplete, and, to complete this tragic tale, another (possibly the only other) set of customers in the restaurant had to wait an almost equally long time.

      Anyway, I know this essay paints me as a bit of an asshole (I'm quite mellow usually), however, if you have any control over the quality of the various restaurants under your rule, I would recommend that you brutally fire the entire staff of the North Adams Friday night shift, with the exception of the manager, who, although oblivious, seemed to be a hard worker (I advise a lengthy session of reeducation for him). I can safely tell you that I will refuse to go near any Papa Gino's restaurant for at least the next 9 years: such an experience could only rekindle painful memories. I have enjoyed Papa Gino's cuisine for at least a decade but through applying a cost-benefit analysis I have decided that the quality of your food is not worth the pain in my ass that dealing with the Papa Gino's staff seems to inevitably entail. In closing, Papa Gino's is a good concept, the food is slightly better than average, but the efficiency and commitment of your employees is in dire need of reform. Thank you for you time, and goodnight."

Power to the consumers! You have nothing to lose but your chains!

-SG

As he lay on his deathbed, SG had but one last wish:

"This is not the end. Though I my pass today, our hopes and dreams, nay, the people's hopes and dreams will rise still, as high as the sun in the sky. So let them know the truth, bellow it from the rooftops, blind them with its brilliance, and give them the inspiration they need, so that they may once more achieve enlightenment."

So I stand before you today. SG may have left us, but his ghoste will linger on- guiding us, tricking us, leaving us sage and callous advice. Know now that his goal is within sight, and be happy.

-BT